The Ministry of Presence
I shall never forget the panic in the voice I heard from the other end of the phone. I need you to come down here right now. Immediately my mind started to race. Jack (not his real name), her husband had experienced emotional trauma and had, at one point, held his family at gun point. They told me that I would be the person who would be called if there was a next time. My mind went there! As I sped toward the home a few miles away, I ran through dozens of scenarios. On my arrival I was told that Jack was most in the horse barn. Jack was a big man, a strong man, but as I stepped through that barn door I saw a different Jack. He had been weeping. Just 10 minutes earlier he had learned that his beloved mother was dying of cancer. He was broken. That evening I sat with Jack over multiple cups of coffee – and I listened. At times I would reach out and put my hand on his shoulder or his arm. But mostly I was just – well – there!
That night Jack did not need wise counsel, nor was he ready for it. I laugh as I write this because I was only 27 years old and in my first pastorate. I had not experienced the grief he was experiencing, and I was more than a few years short of being considered wise. What Jack needed that night was someone who could bring calm to the chaos by just being present. This big strong man was vulnerable and fragile and he needed someone he could trust to be there with him as the pain of the moment pierced his heart. So I sat and listened. I asked questions about his mom whom I had not met. I laughed with him and I wept with him. I wasn’t his pastor in that moment. I was his friend – and I was there – with him and for him.
When we engage in the ministry of presence, we model the presence of God with his people through times of great joy, times of seemingly impossible challenge and times of deep heartache. This is what we call incarnational ministry – when our posture and actions are those of the Creator who is with us in every circumstance.
When God called Moses to return to Egypt where he was a wanted man and deliver a message to Pharaoh to let the captive Israelites go, Moses needed to know who this god really was. Would God be with him as he faced the overwhelming task of confronting Pharaoh and leading the children of Israel out of Egypt? He was concerned about God’s presence with him as much as his character How did God reveal himself? With the name, I AM, indicating that God would be present with them, in the moment, every step of the way. So this is our challenge. How do we model God in being with people in the moment – where they have our full and complete focus?
- Turn your cell phone to silent and refuse to check for texts or email. Let your spouse or close household member where you are in case of an emergency, but do NOT look at your phone.
- Be a friend. If you are not a pastor or church leader, you have an advantage already. You know you are there because of the relationship, so just be who you are – a most trusted friend.
- Listen well to your friend. You are not there to counsel or to fix them. Our instinct is to speak scripture or impart some word of wisdom to mitigate agains the pain. That is not what the person in crisis needs in the moment. They need to process through the pain.
- Listen to the Holy Spirit. There is a time to speak and a time to be silent. Listen to the Spirit of God as he guides you through the experience. Listen for questions to ask.
- Allow for long moments of silence. It can sometimes get uncomfortable after even a few seconds, but allow the silence. Trust the Father in the silence. Pray in the silence. Allow your fiend to be the one to break the silence when he or she is ready.
- Pray with them. Pray for God’s presence, comfort and peace. Pray for courage and strength. Pray for God to give rest as nighttime approaches (David wrote, “I lie down and sleep; I wake again because the Lord sustains me.” (Psalm 3:5)
- Read scripture with them. There is a prayer of blessing that God gave for Moses and his sons as they ministered to and served the Israelites (Numbers 6:23-26): “This is how you are to bless the Israelites. Say to them:
The Lord bless you
and keep you;
the Lord make his face shine upon you
and be gracious to you;
the Lord turn his face toward you
and give you peace.”
You might find this blessing brings particular comfort. To prepare your heart, for engaging in the ministry of presence, this YouTube presentation of Elevation Worship and Kari Jobe singing this prayer of blessing might be particularly meaningful for you. - Let them know that you are available and committed to them 24/7. There is no greater honour than to walk this journey with a friend who trusts you this way.
Dr. Stephen Davey, senior pastor of Colonial Baptist Church and president of Shepherds Theological Seminary has written a wonderful article on the ministry of presence. From a female perspective, Dorina Lazo Gilmore has written a really helpful article on the ministry of presence. Here is another perspective that draws from the writing of disciple maker Henri Nouwen.
There is no more special ministry than the ministry of presence. When my dad died there was a quiet friend of the family who became my minister. He wasn’t trained for ministry. He was just a retired dairy farmer whose oldest son had been killed in a tragic tractor accident when he was about twenty. I had watched as George said grace at family dinner that night and the sacredness of that moment was not lost on me. So in the early days of grieving my deep loss, it was George who modelled God’s presence in my life. He had no words, no advice or hollow platitudes. Just quiet strength.
The Lord bless you
and keep you;
the Lord make his face shine upon you
and be gracious to you;
the Lord turn his face toward you
and give you peace.”\
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